August 9, 2009: The Last Few Moments in Hakodate.

I finished my 2 month intensive Japanese study abroad course. Feels good to be done, but at the same time, I am sad that it’s over. My teacher, Okuno sensei, cried when we came together as a class and gave her some presents to show our thanks, and same went for the administrators of the program, Fukuhisa-san and Okuno-san. The last few moments were hard, saying goodbye to friends that come, and hopefully do not go.
Saying goodbye to my host family was probably the hardest part of these past 2 months. These were people that took me into their home and cared for me more than my own family would. At times they were even more concerned about my plans and schedule than I was. On top of my daily ice cream, I was filled to the brim with delicious Japanese snacks and tea. They drove me around, brought me to outdoor performances whenever they had the chance, and taught me a few things about Japanese culture and the language. The last few moments when they dropped me off at the station and stood on the platform with me until my train arrived and left were the hardest. I didn’t want to say goodbye, so I tried to avoid it by asking about how they would mail my luggage and how much it would cost, pulling out my wallet to give them money as they refused and said it would be their last gift. Then they hugged me and I was surprised they could show me such affection, but then realized that they have been doing this for over a decade and are probably used to it by now. I boarded the train, found a seat, and with happy faces we waved to each other for a while until the train left the station and we disappeared from each other’s sight. My nose sniffling, my vision was blurring, and all I could manage to do was look down.
In an unfamiliar country, now I am officially a wanderer.

August 8, 2009: Last week in Hakodate

This week, my last week in Hakodate last week I did many things. Dressed up as a shikan and was in a play that commemorated when Perry opened the ports of Hakodate 150 years ago. Then because we were in the play we got free food and as much as you can drink beer. I try to lay off that stuff, because one: it tastes awful, and two: a beer belly is not sexy. My friends and I saw some crazy fireworks afterwards and I got home late because the street cars were so packed I had to wait for about 5-6 to pass me.

During the week my host mom took me to see the night view. The weather has been horrible; mostly rain, so my host family calls me the rain woman. When my host mom took me, it was one of the nicer nights in Hakodate. Quite perfect, actually. There were a lot of tourists that wanted to get on the ropeway and so it was picking up people every 5 minutes. My host mom paid for me (about 1100 yen) and when we were going up on the ropeway it was looking good, but when we got to the top, there was fog that got so bad you could barely see your hand in front of your face. (See the picture?)

My host mom also took me to see the Goryokaku spectacle. A play about the history of the different countries (America, Russia, England) that influenced Hakodate and made it was it had become today. There were so many people that participated (mostly as volunteers) in the play. And my host mom says she has seen the play about 10 times. And she admitted that she actually participated as an Ainu actor and more.

My host family also took me to a few onsens nearby their house, and they were both very interesting. At one place there was a freezing cold onsen next to a really hot one. That was my favorite. Jumping into the freezing one after the really hot one than getting back into the hot one was the best feeling in the world. You feel a little light headed and a bit numb, and as the feeling comes back to your hands first they feel all sparkly. There were also a jet onsen (with jets so powerful I felt like I was getting stabbed with a knife), an onsen with a huge Chinese tea bag (kind of smelled like medicine), and an onsen with cool water that had menthol in the water to give you that cooled off sensation. It also had 2 saunas. The wooden sauna had a TV inside of it.

The other onsen place had an outdoor onsen, a steam room (where you sat on stone seats upon which water was running down from), a freezing cold onsen, a bubbly onsen, and my favorite one: a hot electrical onsen. This was my first time in an electrical onsen and I didn’t know it was one when I first got in. The water was really hot and as I sat down and rested my arms on these stone arm rests my hands felt so tingly I thought I was having a heart attack. Then I couldn’t help but feel like laughing. My stomach felt like it was vibrating, and so did my back. I was freaked out, stood up, and finally read the sign: Denshi onsen. I was in an electrical onsen. No way! Electrical pulses penetrated your lower back and although it felt amazing, I could not get too close to the pulses. I was basically getting electrocuted. My host mom told me old Japanese people like that. I told her it might be even more stimulating for me because I have a chunk of metal in my belly button. And so when we got home that day she said to my host dad: I have to reveal Melissa’s secret to you: she has her belly button pierced! My host dad was so shocked, and called me Yakuza, yet again. I think I freaked my host family out.

The Ika Oodori (Squid dancing) festival was amazing. At some point, in the beginning, the food and stands that sold toys/masks/candy/games were more interesting than the festival itself. Then it came time to dance like a squid. I took tons of videos and was surprised that people dressed up almost as if this day was Halloween. Men dressed in school girl uniforms, princesses, pregnant women, santa claus, and more. Japan doesn’t have Halloween, so I guess this festival comes pretty close enough. In the last bit, everyone from the audience was free to jump in and join in the squid dancing. It was so fun. The next few days the festival continued, moving to a slightly different location in Hakodate. I would have went everyday if it weren’t for spending some time with my host family, and studying for my final exam.

July 31, 2009, Sports Center in Hakodate: Round 1

Today I went to a sports center. It was called Round One. One of the most amazing places ever! In NY, you chose to either go play arcade games, or karaoke, or bowling, or baseball (batting, pitching, and throwing cage), or basketball, or volleyball, or tennis, or soccer, or golf. And you have to pay for everything separately and sometimes you have to pay extra to borrow something from the center or use some equipment. But, at this place in Hakodate, all the sports, karaoke and more is in one building. All you have to do is pay $15 for 3 hours, or $20 for unlimited and you can play as much as you want as long as you want. Things included besides the already above mentioned were: fishing (with real fish and bait), curling room (a game that you play in a room with a huge strip of ice that you use to slide these really heavy metal objects across), archery, darts, roller skating (with a rink), and riding on small motorcycles and racing. This place also included a room full of massage chairs. We had so much fun in those 3 hours we didn’t even realize until the end that there was so much more to do: take a shower, get a massage, a huge bowling alley (I played miniature bowling) and something else I forgot already. It was fucking amazing!

We played tag while rollerblading in circles, bumping into each other and falling. I thought it was weird though, how they made sure we were geared up before we could get the rollerblades. We had knee, elbow, and wrist guard protectors. A helmet and chest protector, however, was optional. I have never felt so safe in my life, and since I thought I was accident prone I had even more incentive to do something stupid because there was no way I could get hurt, right?

We fished in the small indoor pond that had tons of fish (that I couldn’t see because the water looked dark and so did the room) but I caught a fish! It makes you feel so accomplished because it’s so easy to do. You can catch a fish within a number of minutes, but only to throw them back in the pitiful pool from which they came.

My favorite thing to do was the motorcycle race. We each had to gear up with a helmet, some padding, and a colored shirt with a number on it. Then we picked which motorcycle we wanted. Then we went into the rink where we rollerbladed and waited at the start line until the on your mark, get set, go (in Japanese). The woman who announced this stood in the middle of the rink near the start line and basically served as a commentator as the race was going on. She has the checkerboard black and white flag and an official jacket that she put on too just for this moment. We raced twice (because we insisted to do it again) and I bumped into my friend and slammed into the wall, giving myself a bruise on one arm. Then I tried to make a sharp turn with max speed and ended up skidding and sliding off my bike. Then I bumped into another friend toward the end and we both fell off and rolled on the floor. FUN! The best part is that there were so few people there. It was especially fun because it was not crowded at all.

July 30, 2009

This week went by so fast. It was the last test of the semester, before the final exam. I have gotten so used to the routine that taking the test felt like no big deal for me. This week I had 2 cultural classes. First was mochi and soba making at a really nice restaurant in Hakodate. I love mochi! We make the mochi by using a wooden hammer to pound the rice that is in a big wooden warm bowl thing until it starts to stick together. Then in a synced rhythm, one person pounds, the other person makes sure the mochi doesn’t stick to the wooden bowl or the hammer by applying water. We all got a chance to do this and my friend took a video of me doing it, so please watch. It was hilarious. I’m only slightly pissed that they gave me a lighter hammer because I’m a girl. Sexism much? After they roll small bits of the mochi in a flavorful beige powder or cover it in chunks of sweet red bean paste. Then, viola! Delicious mochi for everyone! I brought some home for my host family, but had to walk 40 minutes in the rain to get home from the restaurant (some arbitrary place, there was no bus or anything that went straight to my neighborhood) and so I think my mochi got soaked. I got home and told my host family I walked with my umbrella (which didn’t do much because my hair got wet) and my mochi in the other hand. I did my best to protect the mochi, holding it close to my face, where it might get the most coverage from my umbrella, but I still failed. So I told my family it might not taste good at all. But my host mom put in it the microwave and ate it with my host dad and said she could taste a bit of the rain and was thankful. I was happy they ate it.

We also helped to make soba noodles. They use some buckwheat flour in a huge bowl and stir some water into it. Then they flatten it out with huge rolling pins. Then they slice it not too think not too thin. Then they all had us sit down and eat some soba and some tempura (shrimp and other veggies). I was so excited! After, some people ordered apple ice cream. It was apple flavored ice cream in a real apple. It looked so refreshing and tasted amazing!

A few days later, we had calligraphy class. I suck at writing so I was not excited, but vowed to try all the culture classes and so I went. We saw the Nishi High School girls do calligraphy outside with huge paintbrushes (the paintbrush was literally the size of my arm or longer and the bristle part is bigger than the size of my hand). And we practiced inside the school for about an hour. We learned how to express different feelings, how to insert emotion, with just one character. Calligraphy is an expression of simple creativity and emotion through the words of everyday language. One character could tell a story. For instance we wrote mother and father (of which there is one character for each, chichi：父 (father), haha：母 (mother)) in whatever emotion we wanted to convey. If you wrote in a bolder font, using wider brush strokes you could convey a strong/strict mother and father, if you used narrow brush strokes you could convey a weak/nice mother a father. Also, we wrote kaze: 風 (wind) but adjusted it to convey the wind of our hometown. 3 people from NY, thinking about the wind of NY wrote the character for wind in 3 different ways. We each had a different interpretation of the same place. At the end, as a present for our family back at home, they gave use some fancy paper to write whatever character we liked the best. I suck at kanji so I wrote kokoro：心 (heart). Using thick, confident, strong strokes I aimed to convey the love I have for my grandmother, grandfather, sister, and mother in one character. A strong, warm heart. When I finished, I held it up and smiled. I thought: my grandma might like this.

July 26, 2009, Japanese Psychology 1001

I spoke to my host mom today for a few hours after dessert. We speak about a lot: Everything from my family at home, to depression, to typical Japanese behavior, explained. She really understands my broken Japanese well, and I am able to understand everything she tells me, even the complicated stuff, in Japanese. I think my host family is a good balance of everything. They make jokes, they laugh, they are very resourceful, concerned, inquisitive, interested in my own personal life and goals, and provide me with encouraging praise. Feels like a family. I have never been so smothered by “family” in my life. I was always so independent, and no one cared about what I was going to do with my life, or where I was heading. My real family never questioned my actions or motives, or even my schedule. I was free without limits. I’m not trying to say I am limited here, I just feel like these people, who are complete strangers that took me in with no relation to them, always make a genuine effort to be an active part of my life. It’s a strange, yet awesome feeling, I guess.

So I guess I am most curious about how society works in Japan. How women and men think. My host mother told me that women who went to a really good school, have really good jobs in Japan, and make a lot of money, and come from a very good family have an incredibly hard time finding a boyfriend. And a boyfriend who is willing to discuss living arrangements and the future (manners such as marriage, who will become the housewife, etc) is even harder to find (it’s hard for any woman to find a man willing to discuss these matters). In fact, if they are beautiful, it’s even harder, not easier. Men in this country want a woman who is weaker than they are, who make less money than they do, who are less smart than themselves. All they want is a woman to come home to, who will take care of all their needs. Even the most successful man, who is making the most money, and has come from the most elite family doesn’t want a woman who is his equal; rather he wants a woman who is weaker and lower than himself. Funny thing is, I’m sure that some guys in America have somewhat of a similar mindset (wink wink). Anyway, this is a huge problem in Japan, and it doesn’t help the women who want power and a life with a man as well. So most of these elite women are single forever and die lonely. Sexist? Hell yes!

I thought old people in Japan might still have a conservative mindset about the expected roles of women’s and men’s in society (because I heard that long ago Japan was sexist), but I hoped the younger generations had different opinions. So I did a survey in Hakodate, Hokkaido for my independent project and found surprising results. I gave the survey to 10 people, which is definitely not enough, but the answers were so similar, I was shocked to see everyone had the same mindset. My survey asked the following questions (after preliminary questions about gender and age, etc):
1. Pretend there is no such thing as day care. A woman is 30 years old and working. Should she continue working or quit her job, get married, and have kids? What about if she was 40 years old? What is the normal lifestyle of a woman?
2. A man is 30 years old and working. Should he continue working or quit his job, get married, and have kids? What about if he was 40 years old? What is the normal lifestyle of a man?
3. If the woman’s salary is higher, should the man quit his job to become a housewife and help raise the kid?

Results: All the boys I gave the survey to were about 18-21 years old, Hakodate University Students. All of the boys said that women should quit their own job, get married, and have kids. The normal lifestyle of a woman is to support the household by becoming a housewife, and the normal lifestyle of a man is to support the household by working and making money. They say that a man should get married, but also should keep working. They all agreed that a man should not quit his job and become a housewife. He has the responsibility to work and make money.

I also gave the survey to 3 Hakodate University women between the ages of 19-21 and 2 older women who were not affiliated. The University women had relatively the same answers as the boys. One girl’s reason for this was because her parents are this way. My host mom interpreted it as since she sees her parents like that, and they seem happy, she wants the same lifestyle. But for question 3, their answer differed a bit compared to the boys. They said that the woman should discuss this with the man and if the man is okay with being a housewife, then he can do that. The older women (age range: 40-42) had a very open mindset. Although, the older women have had the experience of going to America and were there for about 2 months (one of the University female student said she was in America for 10 days). The difference in opinion might have been created by their stay in America or it might have been their age that was the key factor, or a combination of both. These older women believed that it is totally up to the women to decide what she wants to do and how she wants to live, and this is true for whatever age she might be. One woman also noted that she should discuss it with her partner and they should decide together. They both said that because there are so many different ways for women to live, that one cannot say what is normal. For question 2, the older women said that fundamentally the man should continue working, and if his work allows it, he can take days off to raise the child. One woman wrote that if he had interest in raising the child, that instead of the wife becoming the housewife, he could become the housewife and raise the child if he wanted. They both said it is hard to define what a normal lifestyle is for a man and that he should do as he wishes. For the last question, the older women said they should discuss who will become the housewife, but the most important thing is doing what you want with your own life.

All in all, I was shocked with how conservative the younger generation is. Is this just because I am in Hokkaido? Is this the mindset of Hokkaido? Is this just the mindset of Hakodate University students? Do city kids have a different perspective? I guess you really do become wise with age. I wonder what older men think.

I spoke with my host mom also about the awkwardness of Japanese people. When walking in the street, or in the supermarket, when people want to walk past you, they make it seem like the most difficult thing. They stand around, take a few steps left, a few steps right, and stand still for a bit, confused, and then walked all the way around you. Saying “excuse me” so that I could move one step over would solve the problem, but they avoid it and decide to prolong their advancement and thus make it awkward. My host mom said that Japanese people avoid saying “excuse me” and she doesn’t know why people don’t just do it. It’s strange, even for her. Maybe Japanese people like creating an awkward moment. I think those moments are funny, and watching their expression is even funnier.

Also, making Japanese friends is hard/almost impossible. My school, HIF, is in the same building with Japanese students who are studying Russian. These students talk with the American people who can speak very good Japanese, but for the ones who are not so fluent, they seem to avoid. And, they also seemed annoyed when we tried to speak to them in Japanese, and so we gave up being friends. When we ask them a question in Japanese, they say one word and hesitated. Awkward! During the little break we had from school a few weeks ago, when we went to Toyako with some Hakodate University students. The ones who had interest in speaking English/ wanted to be an English teacher/ liked English were the kids who seemed willing to speak with us in Japanese. The other kids didn’t seem too interested. I thought that maybe the others, the ones who didn’t like English or didn’t speak it too well, were afraid that maybe when they answer us in Japanese we would not be able to understand them, and then they wouldn’t be able to translate or explain. I told this to my host mom, and she said she doesn’t think that’s the case. She said that Japanese students want to talk to Americans. Even though they might look annoyed on the outside, that’s not how they feel on the inside. But most just have no confidence in their English or themselves and that’s the problem. They might have all these things to say, but don’t know how to start a topic (thus the Americans were great topic starters and always started a topic) and so they freeze. I think that’s a huge problem, and I have noticed it by talking to some Japanese young people. The ones who have less confidence in themselves as a person really don’t want to talk too much. The ones who have more confidence are willing to be part of a conversation. Maybe it’s just harder for them to open up and so to be friends with someone like that you have to talk to them little by little for a long time. That’s a lot of time invested for very little return.

July 26, 2009, General and SQUID Cooking

July 26, 2009

I write on the weekends now. In my free time at night; never during the day. Maybe it’s better that way because I feel like I am a different person at night. During the day I am stressed as millions of ideas interest and bump into each other in my head. Everything from what shall I talk about next with my host family, to what will I do once I graduate from college (the latter can give me such an intense fright, that most of the time I ignore the possibilities, but it always remains as a dull throbbing pain in the back of my head). At night, my mind winds down as I focus on one thing: the immediate future. A scary thought, but at the same time, plans are coming together and I am excited. I can’t wait to farm, and then see my grandmother’s family.

Right now I can hear the rain hitting the roof of this house, and it sounds wonderful. My roof must be thin and made of some type of metal, because each drop echoes its voice as it falls and strikes. The song of the rain: probably the most soothing sound in this country. Although I hate it when it rains, because shows get cancelled (the outdoor historical play at Goryokaku park got cancelled today), I love to hear it before I sleep.

Attached are pictures of my squid cooking class.

July 25, 2009, FOOD

So everyday I eat ice cream. I have to stop this habit though, but it’s so hard. I had goma (black sesame seed paste) and grape ice cream: one scoop of each. In America I don’t think we have goma at all. I have never had it there. They say it’s good for your health. Also, I hate grape in America, I think it tastes like medicine, but here it’s my absolute favorite.

Nato is fermented sticky beans. Coming to Japan I have found that Japanese people love it so much (some even declare it’s their favorite food). They put a bit of it in some sushi rice and seaweed and call it sushi. I think it’s the worst smelling food ever. In America, when my grandparents would eat it, I would profusely refuse because the stench was so awful I could not bring it to my lips. When I came to Japan, during the week where we were quarantined at a really nice hotel, we had buffet style breakfasts. On some mornings, they would have nato. I decided, might as well try it; When in Japan, do as the Japanese do, right? So, I put some soy sauce on top, mixed it in well, and took a bite. The first bite was more than what I asked for, and I had this string of slime connecting my lip to the tiny cup container of which the nato resided in. I was pretty grossed out by the texture, more so than the stench this time. It was slimy, gooey, and slippery in my mouth. My first impression: Ew, I wish I could rewind time. Texture, bad. Smell, bad. But, what about taste. I decided to try to ignore the rest and focus on taste. We were all trying the foods we were weirded out by together and so while eating nato someone mentioned cheese. I guess it was sort of cheesy tasting, but slightly salty too. Salty, probably thanks to the soy sauce, which probably was the reason why it was even remotely bearable. All in all, I was surprised it didn’t taste as bad as it smelled. The second time I ate nato, I had it at my host family’s house. Now, since I said I would eat anything given to me, and they really like this part about me, I decided just to eat it all, no matter the circumstance. I mixed some soy sauce, and ate it all. The second time around was definitely better and I actually was able to say I kind of enjoyed it. Third times a charm, right? Right! I tried it for the third time, and decided that I do, indeed, like it. The smell doesn’t even bother me anymore. Afterwards, I always feel a little self-conscious that my breath is kicking, and brush my teeth each time.

Dear fruit, I miss you. In Japan fruit and veggies are so expensive I barely get a chance to eat them. Although every packaged piece of fruit and veggie is perfect, they are so expensive. Fruit especially is pricy. I usually get to eat some of it because my host family gives it to me. Let’s start off small. The price for a bundle of grapes is $7.80. One kiwi, $1.40. For a small container of maybe 15 cherries, about $8.80. For small strawberries, $7.80. One peach, $4.85. But, this will surprise you the most of all: for one cantaloupe melon, as much as $150. Just for one! The cheapest cantaloupe melon you can get is about $3.90, but supposedly these suck and they are smaller. On average, they cost about $20-60. And they have them in every supermarket. They make a great gift, from what I hear! My host family occasionally feeds me strawberries, cantaloupe melon (OMG!), and watermelon. Of course, the price of food dips when you decide you’ll buy the bruised peaches, or overripe bananas. But, quality is what determines the price in this country. If something is imperfect (food wise), you will most likely see a 20% off from original price sticker on the item in the supermarket. And once it’s passed 5:00pm or 6:00pm, the price of food that will spoil if left for the next day (like bentos or rice balls) is discounted at times by as much as 50%. It’s still good, it’s still good.